How Many Texts Does Your Child Send a Month?

Here is the latest on texting, most notably that the average 13-17 -year-old sends over 3000 texts a month - that works out to about 100 a day. Notice I said "send," not "send and receive." Add in receiving, reading, and writing, and how much time does that work out to?

If you have a teenager with text messaging capabilities, this is probably not a surprise to you. What may surprise all of us is that every age group between 18 and 55 talks on the phone more than the average teenager!

So, what does this mean? First, it means that we are experiencing a profound shift in how teenagers (and future adults) communicate. History shows us that shifts in communication technology have a profound effect on culture and society and even human development, far beyond the aniticipated consequences. For now, though, let's just think about the short-term effects on our children by asking questions such as these:
* Can my child have a meaningful conversation that is longer than "120 characters or less"?
* Can my child read facial cues in communication and understand her own?
* Can my child listen effectively to others, especially over an extended period of time?
* Can my child be "in the moment," aware of her/his surroundings, and fully engaged with those in her/his presence?
If the answer is "NO" for any of these questions, you may want to reconsdier the role that social media, including Facebook, is being allowed to play in your child's life.

8 Days Until PASSPORT Deposit is Due!

Only eight days remain to pay your child's PASSPORT Youth Camp Deposit for 2011. Deposit is $75 (Total cost, due by June 1, is $350) and is due in the FBCJC office by Friday, October 29th. We will be attending PASSPORT at Wingate University in Wingate, NC on the week of July 17-22 and we want your child to be a part of this life-forming experience!

We also have some funds available to help students and families who may not be able to afford the full price of camp. Our goal is to make sure that every teenager who wishes to attend camp, CAN. If you would like to know more about receiving a "scholarship" for your child, contact Dave McNeely (cndavemcneely@aol.com, 865.475.3826).

Special Guest at Xchange This Week

We will be privileged to have Dr. Wayne Barnard with us at Xchange this Wednesday night (10/17) from 6:30-7pm. Dr. Barnard is the Director of Student Ministries with International Justice Mission, a human rights agency that works to secure justice and freedom for victims of slavery, sexual exploitation, and other forms of violent oppression. If you would like to join us in Rm. 214 (the youth room) to hear Dr. Barnard share about the ministry of IJM, we would love to have you!

For more information on the work of the International Justice Mission, including how you can partner with them, visit http://www.ijm.org/.

Teens and Bullying, Part 3

This past Wednesday at Xchange, we focused on the theme that "We are called to bless the world." As I have discovered, while we certainly have a share of teens in our youth group who have been bullied or who are even the bullies at times, the majority of our teens that we see on a consistent basis make up that much greater demographic somewhere in the middle, the "bystanders." They may not be so harsh to bully, but they also may lack the compassion to be the defenders of those being bullied . . . and this is short of the Gospel that we want to see incarnated in our teens' lives. So, we challenged them to bless those around them and we closed with the famous "Prayer of St. Francis."

As we conclude our reflections on teens and bullying together, I offer you the same prayer. May this be a prayer not only for your own life but for our teens as well.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace
Where there is hatred, let me sow love
Where there is injury, pardon
where there is doubt, faith
where there is despair, hope
where there is darkness, light
where there is sadness joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not seek so much to be consoled as to console
to be understood, as to understand
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen.

Teens and Bullying, Part 2

Smart people may have good answers, but truly wise people have good questions.

Continuing our musings on the issue of teen bullying and the emotional and physical scars being developed at an alarming rate these days, I'd like to pose some questions that will help us as parents/mentors of teenagers as we seek to develop a culture of love, compassion, and peacemaking among our teens.

Do we model empathy over understanding in our family?

Do we model compassion over competition in our family?

Do we model forgiveness over judgement in our family?

Does our family go out of its way to help those who are outcast, oppressed, and/or marginalized or do we tend to spend our time with those who are "socially acceptable" and "like us"?

Is Jesus held up in our family as the model for how to relate to others?

If our child was being harassed or bullied, are their caring adults they would talk to about it?

If another child was being harrassed or bullied, would our child defend and/or protect them? If not, why not?

Is our child more concerned with "fitting in" than discovering their unique God-given identity?

Where does our child go to seek approval and encouragement? Why there?

Later this week, we'll conclude these musings with an ancient prayer that will be a balm to our concerned lives as well as a challenge and encouragement to the lives of our children.

May grace and peace guide our words and steps.

Teens and Bullying, Part 1

If you pay much attention to the news or even your own children's lives, you are probably well aware that "bullying" has not only become more destructive in the lives of teens than ever before, but that it has also become more present with the advent of "cyber-bullying," using social media such as Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter to bully and harass others electronically. Sadly, at least four teens committed suicide in September of 2010 alone due to such tragic and tormentive behaviors.
Over the next week, we will be looking at this issue through the lens of our faith. Today, I will be sharing with you the words of blogger Maria Evans, whose litany below is a welcome prayer for all of us who care about the lives and health of teenagers. In coming days, I will also ask a few questions that will help us as parents deal with our role and responsibility with regard to bullying. Finally, we will end this series of posts with a very old, but extremely relevant prayer that you can share with your teenagers.
So, without further adieu, may the words of Maria Evans become the prayer of your heart this week.

A Litany for Children Who Have Died from Bullying
by Maria Evans

O God of justice and mercy, we pray that no more daughters and sons in this world die as the result of bullying simply because of who they are; be it race, religion, sexual orientation, or social awkwardness. Lord, in your mercy,
hear our prayer.

That our schools become places of nurturing and hope rather than shame and derision. Lord, in your mercy,
hear our prayer.

That our teachers instill values of charity and acceptance in all children so there is no need for one child to feel superior over another. Lord, in your mercy,
hear our prayer.

That parents can put aside what they were sometimes taught, in order to promote tolerance and diversity at home. Lord, in your mercy,
hear our prayer.

That our communities support children who feel "different from the others" and show them lives that are theirs to claim, lives they cannot begin to imagine to see at home. Lord, in your mercy,
hear our prayer.

That all children can grow up feeling self-empowered and truly loved simply as themselves, and not suffer beatings and psychological abuse at home or school. Lord, in your mercy,
hear our prayer.

O Lord, you understand this above all others, for your only Son hung among thieves on a rough wooden cross on a barren hill, just as Matthew Shepard hung from a rail fence on a lonely road. Be our light in the darkness, Lord; protect our children and fill them with the love of your Holy Spirit; hold them in your Son's loving arms in their most fearful hours, and be with them always.
Amen.