Stress and Students

This isn't the first time we've posted on "stress and students," but the topic continues to receive attention because the level of stress encountered in teenagers' lives, coupled with their responses which are increasing in both volume and danger, seems to be growing daily. Click on the link to here what panelists for the New York Times have to say about the growing dilemma and how to address it: http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2010/12/12/stress-and-the-high-school-student?hp

Bowling 4 Jesus Event CANCELLED

Due to unfortunate scheduling conflicts, we are CANCELLING our Bowling 4 Jesus Event, originally scheduled for Wednesday, December 22nd. Students are encouraged to explore other possibilities for giving and raising money for the Global Missions Offering.

Information on BIG December Events

We have an Advent season loaded with BIG events and here's your one-stop location to find all the details you need!

Saturday, December 4th, 4-8pm
Kids' Night with Saint Nick
Hosted by the FBCJC Youth, this event has a twofold purpose: (1) to introduce children of our community to the rich legacy of Saint Nicholas this Advent season, and (2) to offer a "night off" for parents to go Christmas shopping, go on a date, take a nap, etc. The night will include games, pizza, a movie, and more, and it's all completely FREE for the families of our community.
Youth should be here by 3:30pm on Saturday to help prepare and they will be done no later than 8:30pm (clean-up) - they will be fed dinner, too.
If you would also like to help us (we can always use more adult help!), just let Dave know or just show up on Saturday!

Friday, December 10th, Time TBA
Dinner and a Movie: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
We will be heading out for dinner and a movie to see the third in C.S. Lewis' Narnian series, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (my personal favorite!). If youth would like to go with us, they will need to let Dave know no later than Sunday, December 5th, so he can pre-order tickets. Tickets are $10 and you can pay them on the night we go. Youth will also need to bring $5-$8 for dinner. We will be eating and dining in Turkey Creek in West Knoxville. At the moment, the exact times are not set, but we will likely be leaving around 4:30pm and returning by 11pm. More specific times will be announced once they are set.

Wednesday, December 22nd, Time TBA
Bowling 4 Jesus!
Our annual "Bowling 4 Jesus" event gives youth a chance to raise money for the Global Missions Offering, collected annually at FBCJC. Students are encouraged to pick up a "pledge sheet" and get donations/pledges for their bowling that night. Students' own contribution to the offering is by paying for their own bowling (approximately $12, exact prices will be announced when they are set) and collecting donations/pledges. Pledge sheets can be picked up outside of Rm. 214 at FBCJC.

"Youth Groups Destroy Children's Lives"

The heading for this post comes from David Fitch, a Pastor/Professor, who discusses some concerns he has with traditional youth ministry. What you may be surprised to find out is that I almost entirely agree with him. Take a moment to check out his brief comments here: http://www.reclaimingthemission.com/youth-groups-destroy-childrens-lives/

And then hold the light up to our youth ministry at FBCJC - are we nurturing disciples or unraveling authentic faith under the guise of "youth ministry"?

How Is the Digital Revolution Revolutionizing Your Child?

Recently, I spoke at a conference on the "Communicating Church." The majority of attendees, optimistic indulgers in the "new media," were undoubtedly surprised, if not shocked, to hear me warn of the dangers of such media as Facebook. But my rant was NOT about "sexting," child predators, or anything related to safety, security, or content. Instead, I offered a warning about what these mediums themselves do to us and how they shape us by their mere form. Watch this video, from the New York Times, to learn more about why you make want to think even harder and longer about the exposure you allow your children to new media technology.

No Xchange Next Two Weeks

Due to our churchwide Thanksgiving Dinner (Nov. 17) and the Thanksgiving holiday (Nov. 25), we will not have Wednesday night Xchange the next two weeks (Nov. 17, 24). Enjoy the extra time together as a family!

Texting Leads to Babies?

I'm not one for shocking with statistics, but some statistics simply beg our attention, and this is one of them:

According to a study revealed just this week, teens who text more than 120 times a day are more likely to have had sex and used drugs or alcohol than those who don't.

While researchers stopped short of claiming that "hyper-texting" leads to these behaviors, they say that the link between the two is "startling" and deserves our attention. The researchers' conclusion led them to point toward two common denominators between the teens who texted with such frequency and engaged in risky behaviors - (1) extra sensitivity toward peer pressure, and (2) permissive or absent parents.

Few of us would consider ourselves to be "permissive or absent parents," but the following questions might be worth asking:

1) Do I even KNOW how many texts my child sends and receives a day?

2) Does my child spend more "home time" communicating with peers than parents?

3) Am I modeling and teaching how to act responsibly with a cell phone - boundaries, limits, etc.?

As a footnote, allow me to offer some encouraging advice that comes straight from the mouths and lives of our teens - fasting from (or turning off) the cell phone is a life-giving practice. Try to get a teen to turn off and put away their phones seems like asking them to hold their breath at times - a nice challenge for 30 seconds, but impossible for much longer! But many of our teens, some voluntarily and others by "force" (such as mission trips in the mountains of KY!), have reported again and again how liberating and even peace-making it was to not be tethered to their phones. Perhaps you can institute "Family Fasting Hours" (or even days, if you're brave!) where everyone in your family turns their phones OFF (not on silent!).

Now that's a Sabbath practice we could all benefit from.

A Beautiful Alternative

One of the joys of my work with teenagers is setting a match to the flame of their imagination and watching it burn in beautiful ways. Some have said that what our troubled world lacks most is a constructive imagination, and I take my role very seriously as an "imagination-instigator."

Along those lines, the Christian community is becoming more fruitful in producing people with such abundance and life-giving imaginations. Whether it be through Blake Mycoskie and TOMS Shoes (http://www.tomsshoes.com/) or Chris Seay and the Advent Conspiracy (http://www.adventconspiracy.com/), God is shaping an imaginative re-creation of the ways we live, work, and give in ways that have the potential to bless our world and carry out God's mission. (Just yesterday, I even read an argument for fasting on Thanksgiving, but I'll save that discussion for another day . . . after I indulge in some Thanksgiving goodies!)

Nothing brings me more joy today than seeing our own youth catch such a vision. I am thrilled to say these little pockets of resistance to the status quo are popping up all over the fertile soil of our faith community's adolescent population, and I want to highlight just one of those stories for you here.

In many ways, Holly Davenport is quite the typical girl. She loves to shop, she loves a good TV show, and she loves the color purple. But rather than falling into the cultural trap that would allow her to define herself by these interests and pursuits, Holly has caught a vision for helping the most vulnerable of our world through her gifts and passions.

This past Friday, Holly had every reason to think about herself on her birthday. But instead of creating an event to accumulate more possessions for herself, Holly had a simple request for partygoers - bring a pillowcase and some bias tape. Why? Because, together, we were going to create dresses for girls in Africa (see the pic with this post for some finished products).

As we enter into this extended holiday season (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's), perhaps now is the time to re-consider our holiday traditions in light of the message of Advent. What would it look like to bring Faith, Hope, Peace, and Love to a world that needs them in major ways? Perhaps now is a great time to think about how you can spark your family's imagination and watch the flame burn throughout this Winter season.

Want to Serve Our Community with Your Teen?

On Saturday, December 4th, the FBCJC youth will be hosting "Kids' Night with Saint Nick," a special night for kids to come and have fun and learn about the beauty of Saint Nicholas, not to mention a chance for parents to get out, go on a date, do some Christmas shopping, or just take a nap! The evening will be a structured night of pizza, movie, games, and more - all from 4-8pm.

Imagine how nice this would have been to have when your children were younger - well, now you can help make this happen for other parents of young children! If you would like to help us put this event on, we need additional adults to help with such things as pizza management, nursery oversight, registration, and more. If you're interested, just respond here or let Dave know (cndavemcneely@aol.com, 865.475.3826).

How Many Texts Does Your Child Send a Month?

Here is the latest on texting, most notably that the average 13-17 -year-old sends over 3000 texts a month - that works out to about 100 a day. Notice I said "send," not "send and receive." Add in receiving, reading, and writing, and how much time does that work out to?

If you have a teenager with text messaging capabilities, this is probably not a surprise to you. What may surprise all of us is that every age group between 18 and 55 talks on the phone more than the average teenager!

So, what does this mean? First, it means that we are experiencing a profound shift in how teenagers (and future adults) communicate. History shows us that shifts in communication technology have a profound effect on culture and society and even human development, far beyond the aniticipated consequences. For now, though, let's just think about the short-term effects on our children by asking questions such as these:
* Can my child have a meaningful conversation that is longer than "120 characters or less"?
* Can my child read facial cues in communication and understand her own?
* Can my child listen effectively to others, especially over an extended period of time?
* Can my child be "in the moment," aware of her/his surroundings, and fully engaged with those in her/his presence?
If the answer is "NO" for any of these questions, you may want to reconsdier the role that social media, including Facebook, is being allowed to play in your child's life.

8 Days Until PASSPORT Deposit is Due!

Only eight days remain to pay your child's PASSPORT Youth Camp Deposit for 2011. Deposit is $75 (Total cost, due by June 1, is $350) and is due in the FBCJC office by Friday, October 29th. We will be attending PASSPORT at Wingate University in Wingate, NC on the week of July 17-22 and we want your child to be a part of this life-forming experience!

We also have some funds available to help students and families who may not be able to afford the full price of camp. Our goal is to make sure that every teenager who wishes to attend camp, CAN. If you would like to know more about receiving a "scholarship" for your child, contact Dave McNeely (cndavemcneely@aol.com, 865.475.3826).

Special Guest at Xchange This Week

We will be privileged to have Dr. Wayne Barnard with us at Xchange this Wednesday night (10/17) from 6:30-7pm. Dr. Barnard is the Director of Student Ministries with International Justice Mission, a human rights agency that works to secure justice and freedom for victims of slavery, sexual exploitation, and other forms of violent oppression. If you would like to join us in Rm. 214 (the youth room) to hear Dr. Barnard share about the ministry of IJM, we would love to have you!

For more information on the work of the International Justice Mission, including how you can partner with them, visit http://www.ijm.org/.

Teens and Bullying, Part 3

This past Wednesday at Xchange, we focused on the theme that "We are called to bless the world." As I have discovered, while we certainly have a share of teens in our youth group who have been bullied or who are even the bullies at times, the majority of our teens that we see on a consistent basis make up that much greater demographic somewhere in the middle, the "bystanders." They may not be so harsh to bully, but they also may lack the compassion to be the defenders of those being bullied . . . and this is short of the Gospel that we want to see incarnated in our teens' lives. So, we challenged them to bless those around them and we closed with the famous "Prayer of St. Francis."

As we conclude our reflections on teens and bullying together, I offer you the same prayer. May this be a prayer not only for your own life but for our teens as well.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace
Where there is hatred, let me sow love
Where there is injury, pardon
where there is doubt, faith
where there is despair, hope
where there is darkness, light
where there is sadness joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not seek so much to be consoled as to console
to be understood, as to understand
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen.

Teens and Bullying, Part 2

Smart people may have good answers, but truly wise people have good questions.

Continuing our musings on the issue of teen bullying and the emotional and physical scars being developed at an alarming rate these days, I'd like to pose some questions that will help us as parents/mentors of teenagers as we seek to develop a culture of love, compassion, and peacemaking among our teens.

Do we model empathy over understanding in our family?

Do we model compassion over competition in our family?

Do we model forgiveness over judgement in our family?

Does our family go out of its way to help those who are outcast, oppressed, and/or marginalized or do we tend to spend our time with those who are "socially acceptable" and "like us"?

Is Jesus held up in our family as the model for how to relate to others?

If our child was being harassed or bullied, are their caring adults they would talk to about it?

If another child was being harrassed or bullied, would our child defend and/or protect them? If not, why not?

Is our child more concerned with "fitting in" than discovering their unique God-given identity?

Where does our child go to seek approval and encouragement? Why there?

Later this week, we'll conclude these musings with an ancient prayer that will be a balm to our concerned lives as well as a challenge and encouragement to the lives of our children.

May grace and peace guide our words and steps.

Teens and Bullying, Part 1

If you pay much attention to the news or even your own children's lives, you are probably well aware that "bullying" has not only become more destructive in the lives of teens than ever before, but that it has also become more present with the advent of "cyber-bullying," using social media such as Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter to bully and harass others electronically. Sadly, at least four teens committed suicide in September of 2010 alone due to such tragic and tormentive behaviors.
Over the next week, we will be looking at this issue through the lens of our faith. Today, I will be sharing with you the words of blogger Maria Evans, whose litany below is a welcome prayer for all of us who care about the lives and health of teenagers. In coming days, I will also ask a few questions that will help us as parents deal with our role and responsibility with regard to bullying. Finally, we will end this series of posts with a very old, but extremely relevant prayer that you can share with your teenagers.
So, without further adieu, may the words of Maria Evans become the prayer of your heart this week.

A Litany for Children Who Have Died from Bullying
by Maria Evans

O God of justice and mercy, we pray that no more daughters and sons in this world die as the result of bullying simply because of who they are; be it race, religion, sexual orientation, or social awkwardness. Lord, in your mercy,
hear our prayer.

That our schools become places of nurturing and hope rather than shame and derision. Lord, in your mercy,
hear our prayer.

That our teachers instill values of charity and acceptance in all children so there is no need for one child to feel superior over another. Lord, in your mercy,
hear our prayer.

That parents can put aside what they were sometimes taught, in order to promote tolerance and diversity at home. Lord, in your mercy,
hear our prayer.

That our communities support children who feel "different from the others" and show them lives that are theirs to claim, lives they cannot begin to imagine to see at home. Lord, in your mercy,
hear our prayer.

That all children can grow up feeling self-empowered and truly loved simply as themselves, and not suffer beatings and psychological abuse at home or school. Lord, in your mercy,
hear our prayer.

O Lord, you understand this above all others, for your only Son hung among thieves on a rough wooden cross on a barren hill, just as Matthew Shepard hung from a rail fence on a lonely road. Be our light in the darkness, Lord; protect our children and fill them with the love of your Holy Spirit; hold them in your Son's loving arms in their most fearful hours, and be with them always.
Amen.

Important PASSPORT Info!

It is barely Fall, but it's not too early to start thinking about Summer camp! That's right, PASSPORT may still be many months away, but the time is already fast approaching to make a deposit if your child would like to attend. So, without further adieu, here is the information you need:

PASSPORT Youth Camp

Date: July 17-22, 2011

Location: Wingate University (Wingate, NC)

Total Cost: $350.00

Deposit: $75.00

Deposit DUE DATE: Friday October, 29th, 2010

For more info, see http://www.passportcamps.org/.

Passing on the Skill of Faithful Adaptation

In my work with college students, I have frequent opportunities to reflect on how people become who they are. Adolescents are notably in a period of constant change – physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually – and, beyond our first years of life, there is no period in the human lifespan of more intense identity formation.

But I’ve also noticed that the struggles of college students are often a mirror of the lessons they learned (or failed to learn) in their teenage years as they prepared for the “freedom” that the college experience uniquely brings. What typically sets students who succeed at navigating the challenges of this stage of life from those who struggle and often fail is what I call the ability of “faithful adaptation.” Simply put, faithful adaptation is the skill of being able to navigate change in our lives in a way that reflects our most deeply-held values. It is faithful, but flexible; committed, but changing.

As I’ve reflected on this skill, I’ve noticed in particular four key aspects that help our teenagers become successful at faithful adaptation.

(1) They need goals . . .
It should go without saying that to be “faithful,” we must first have a purpose or direction to which we are faithful in the first place. But, far too often, we either allow our children to drift without direction or, perhaps even worse, simply drift with the overall direction of our larger culture. Followers of Christ, however, have a clear direction – “Seek first God’s Kingdom and justice” (Matthew 6:33) – and we do well to help our children center their life around this all-encompassing goal. After all, if your target is nothing, then you’re bound to hit it.
Does my child have goals that reflect our values?

(2) . . . that are flexible . . .
Life changes, and nobody knows this better than teenagers. Their bodies are changing, their minds are developing, their emotions are bouncing around like a pinball machine, and sometimes we wake up as parents wondering which child will wake up with us. If our life changes, then our (more specific) goals will often have to adapt. Nowhere is this more clear than with college students, who are constantly changing majors and potential vocations as they begin to find out more about themselves and their world and God’s unique call on their lives. The students who encounter the most stress are often those who find it frightening and nearly impossible to change their direction in life.
Does my child know that it’s okay to make important changes in their life?

(3) . . . and a system of support . . .
John Donne famously wrote that “No man is an island, entire unto himself.” Teenagers intrinsically know this, which is why friendships are so important to them. But fellow teens can rarely often the depth and wisdom and committed level of support that adults can. Teenagers need people in their lives who “have been there” and can offer a sense of stability in their ever-changing world. Without such support, both faithfulness and adaptation become exponentially more difficult to sustain.
Does my child have mentoring adults in their life who can provide support?

(4) . . . that is patient and compassionate.
Sometimes, it is easy to forget what being a teenager is like. We often know the answers that our children are struggling to find and/or live into and we want to speed along the process and help them avoid as many mistakes as possible. But teenagers are teenagers, and the world they inhabit, being a world of growth and change, is one filled with mistakes, missteps, and misunderstandings. In order to provide support for teens as they learn to faithfully adapt, we must offer them patience and compassion, which show our children two things – we’re in it for the long haul, and they can trust us. These traits provide the safety net for teens to experiment, explore, and allow themselves to fall, knowing that failure is not the end but rather an opportunity to grow and, ultimately, to faithfully adapt.
Does my child know that it is okay to fail?

How Many Lifesavers Are You Giving Your Teen?

This past Saturday, we had a wonderful turnout for our To Save a Life Movie Event and we took the opportunity to survey our teens about their experience with such serious issues as depression and suicide. We closed the survey with an important question: "Do you wish you had more adults you could talk to about these issues?"

Perhaps surprisingly, more teens answered "YES" to this question than any other question on the survey.

Then again, maybe this shouldn't surprise us. After all, the National Study of Youth and Religion recently confirmed what many already suspected, that teens actually DO want the loving presence of adults in their lives. And, what's more important, the research shows they NEED them.

To put it in the terms of the life-changing movie we watched Saturday night, loving and caring adults in the lives of our teenagers are nothing short of LIFE-SAVERS. And the question we each have to ask is this: How many Life-Savers am I putting in my child's life? Former Family Pastor Reggie Joiner puts it this way: We need to "Widen the Circle" by pursuing strategic relationships for our kids, and he's not talking about play-dates to build their social skills or lunches with coaches to increase their playing time. He's talking about the need for placing mentors who can model a life of faith for our teens as they seek to find a faith worth living.

So who are the adults in our community whom you most want your children to emulate?

Identify them.

Seek them out.

Put them in your teen's life.

And watch their faith grow.

To Save a Life Movie Event This Saturday Night

What lengths would you go to in order to save a classmate's life, if you could? This is the question many of our youth struggle with as their friends wrestle with the demons of abuse, addiction, and loneliness.

And this is the question To Save a Life seeks to answer. More importantly, TSAL challenges teens to face the issues revolving around them with the faith, courage, and grace that Jesus Christ provides.

This Saturday night, September 11th, at 7pm, we will be hosting a TSAL Movie Event for teens. The event will feature a screening of the movie, snacks, prizes, and more.

For more information on TSAL, www.tosavealifemovie.com.

Parent Preview of To Save a Life This Sunday Night

In preparation for our To Save a Life Movie Event on Saturday, September 11th, we will be hosting a special Parent Preview this Sunday, August 22nd, from 5-7pm in Rm. 214 (Youth Room) for any parents interested in viewing the movie before September. Due to the sensitive nature of the movie's subjects (including depression, teen suicide, teen sexuality, etc.) and its PG-13 rating, we want to insure that our families know what their teen(s) will be experiencing through this movie. For an extensive explanation of the movie's rating and content, see http://www.tosavealifemovie.com/.
We also welcome you to bring your teen(s) to the Preview Night. If you are unable to attend, but would like to preview the movie before Sept. 11, see Dave for a copy of the DVD to borrow.
During the Sept. 11 screening, parents are also invited, and we will have counselors on hand in the event that any teens wish to speak with someone in response to issues presented in the film.